Relationships

Looking for teen relationship advice? This page looks at some of the most common things that teens worry about when it comes to relationships, and the importance of talking about your feelings.

Being attracted to someone

Being attracted to someone can be exciting but you may feel quite anxious, wondering if they feel the same for you. If you ask them out and they refuse you may feel rejected. You may be concerned that if people find out who you're interested in, they may tease you about it. Some people are so worried about this that they find it difficult to get started.

Does she like me? - Is he interested? - How can I tell?

This is a question that loads of people ask - and there isn't any simple answer. You could always try asking them out - that's they only way you're going to know for sure!

Asking someone out - on a date - getting started

Many people find this the really difficult bit - how do you ask someone out? There's no simple answer to this one, either, but the main thing to remember is that 'if you don't ask, you don't get' . What's the worst that could happen? They say "no." Well, that's not the end of the world - and anyway, they might say "yes", you won't know until you ask. Anyway, even if they say "no", they might say "yes" later – now they know you're interested, they might just need time to think about it.
A good way to get started is simply to try to get to know each other by becoming friends and see how things turn!

The practical side of asking someone out doesn't have a recipe, I'm afraid - it's different in every situation. However, there are a few useful things to remember:

• Asking someone out is flattering - they should be pleased, even though they might be surprised.
• Try to get the person alone before you ask them out - it's often harder with other people around.
• Try to get to know the person a bit, first.
• Try to relax!
• Sometimes, you just have to say it - "Will you go out with me?"
• If they say "yes" - brilliant!
• If they say "no" - well, you've just got to respect that. Remember, it doesn't say anything about your value as a person.
• Remember - there's someone out there for everyone!

Instead of asking directly “will you go out with me?”, ask things like “would you like to go for food?” “Would you like to see the last movie of….”. It might look less frightening for the person being asked to accept!

Going out - dating - having a relationship

There're lots of different types of relationship, from 'friends-with-benefits' to full-on marriage! All relationships are different, but they usually all have one thing in common - when you're in a relationship with someone it usually means that you both like each other (and fancy each other!) more than anyone else.

Most relationships are monogamous - which means that for as long as you stay together, you'll only be physical with each other - you won't get off with anyone else or have sex with anyone else. The advantage of this is that you're less likely to catch any sexually transmitted infections if you stay with just one partner (as long as they don't have any!).

Some people have lots of relationships. Some people have a few, or one long one. Some people don't want a close relationship at certain times in their life.

Sex is an important part of many people's relationships. Not just sexual intercourse ('going all the way') but kissing and touching each other for pleasure. Just because you're going out with someone you don't have to have sexual intercourse.

Keeping relationships going

Being in a relationship can be really good.

"It feels like you're walking six foot in the air."

It can give you a real high to know that someone wants you and you want them. Many people feel more confident about themselves when they are in a relationship.

For most people being 'in a relationship' is an important part of their lives. It can be hard to keep a relationship going. You have to work at it. There may be tensions between partners and pressures from people and circumstances outside. For example, your friends might resent you not spending so much time with them. You might feel that your reputation depends on who you go out with, how long for and what you do together.

It is easy to become jealous and possessive and wonder if your partner is going to go off with someone else. You might not be able to talk to your partner about it, but it can help to check out your feelings with somebody else you trust.

Breaking up a relationship

Very few people stay for ever with the first person they have a relationship. Some people can feel trapped in a relationship. People who stay together just for the sake of 'being together' or because it seems like everyone else is in a couple may not be happy or be good for each other.

Relationships break up for lots of reasons. For example, because they get too 'heavy' or serious. Or because one of you feels used or because you want to do different things.

It can be difficult to break up because you may feel upset and feel like you're hurting someone. But sometimes it may be a relief for both of you.

Talking about your feelings

Talking about your feelings can help. It can stop you feeling alone and the chances are you will discover other people have had the same feelings. Realising other people have been in the same position helps and you could learn from their experience.

Choosing who you talk to and when is important. It may be someone you fancy or someone you are going out with. If these people are connected with the feelings you have, it can sometimes make it more difficult.

The person you talk to should be someone you feel easy and relaxed with and can trust. It might be a parent or guardian, especially if you have a good relationship with them.

Or it might be that a sister or brother or other relative would be better. Some of your friends' parents might be approachable or you might have a friend who would listen.

Talking about things can be hard. Especially if they are difficult feelings. But it's worth remembering that very often the reaction you get will be helpful and understanding. You may wonder why you got so worked up in the first place.

Talking to people who are a bit less close to you might be good too. For example, a teacher, or someone at a youth group or a medical person such as a doctor.